Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
