I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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