My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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