porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
