he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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