probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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