I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Still dying that you shit outside
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
