My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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