i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
