I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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