i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
