If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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