grandma shit on top of the toilet
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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