Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
