now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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