My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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