We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
