One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
