the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
