when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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