ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
