Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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