i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
