is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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