I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
