Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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