i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
