I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Damn victory sex feels great
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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