But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
