So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
