my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
