you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
