He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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