did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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