True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
