it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
