So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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