I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
