Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
