My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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