So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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