If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
