I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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