That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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