I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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