Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
