I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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