The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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