Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I could fuck to npr.
Let's get the cat blown out
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
