he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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