Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
