My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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