Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
