im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life