Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
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I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.