i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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