Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
i'm really worried about him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.