I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
