My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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