my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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