What a fucking waste of an outfit
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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