I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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