She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
