I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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