When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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