You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
