I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
