Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
