opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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