You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
