i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
